Because I said, I Love You...

Saturday, January 8, 2011

♥Confession of a cold soul...

" I had never knew myself as anybody special to anyone or even myself. I do not want myself to be anything prominent as I enjoyed being with just myself...ignoring my own self"

" From when I was a kid I never really knew what I wanted and often found myself wanting everything and yet forgo anything that I finally got. My parents and even teachers gave up on this personality of mine. I fought with my family over every trivial thing that comes to mind, thus became the troublemaker who WILL get the blame 1st hand whenever something bad happen no matter if am at fault. I concluded that I don't care."

"When I stepped into the life of a teenager I realised that I can't be living in my own dark world and wanted to step outside...but the cruel world trampled me to a degree that I can't imagine. How could a being that got so used to living in the darkness adapt to the world of the light? I began to nurture a thought in my mind that I won't want to be normal as the world wanted me to. Some people call it the 'rebellious age', but I call it 'Revelation' as I found what I can be cos deep inside me bears a chaotic nature that can't wait to burst out of the jail that I had kept it in. Perhaps that was the darkest period of my life if judged by the 'normal' people in this pathetic world, but I enjoyed that portion a lot! It was at the later part of my teenage life that I began to analyse and developed a way to stay in the darkness and YET being able to communicate with the world of the light."

" The life of an adult proved that the way I had adapted at my late teenage life can set me going....BUT....I knew very well that the path I seek will throw me into the abyss of Hell one day as there's NO WAY the darkness and the light could co-exist, nevertheless I persisted. My way of life earned me precious experiences be it pleasant or terrible...for a moment I thought that i had became 'normal', but soon I realised that it was just an illusion for my distorted reasoning...wait...did I say that am 'distorted'? Am I really becoming 'normal'? By agreeing that am distorted are as good as admitting that am normal! I realised that my logic had began to lose it's ground...I have to keep it standing at all cost or I will crumble!"

" As I entered the near last decades of my puny life I concluded that I had cheated myself since the beginning of my life. I wanted to be 'abnormal' and ended up playing into the hands of the 'normal'. Am possibly plagued by health issues and perhaps I won't really live to tell the later generations of what I had been through. I am a failure in the norm of the society, but somehow it made me happy and YET I wanted to prove to those SOB 'normal' people that I CAN be like them! I fell on several occasions that could jolly well had killed my heart to move on and I refused to die that way! NOT without a good fight! There had been traces of Light in my lousy life and they were gone even before I were given proper directions as am living in a dark world. A lonely ship will get lost amongst the cold and dark high seas immediately if the Lighthouse is to go off. For some I am just a madman who refused to live a 'normal' way, but little did they know that am looking for the light...that special light that will guide me out of my still dark and cold heart into their warmth. I jolly well knew that my heart is slowly dying with my belief fading away in time...but I believe that somebody or something will rescue me out of the jail that I had trapped myself in all these years that I thought I was happy. Am content with what I have now, but I knew myself too well that I might destroy them with my own hands...right now am holding on to the last of my lifeline..."

" This is my confession. A confession that might shake and rattle the hearts of many or gain the jeer of others. I don't care at all!"

♥ MeMoRiEs posted by <~Mr Gades~> at 11:35 PM